insurgents | OPEN POST.

"You know, I never thought you were a cruel person but I'm starting to change my mind about that."

She knows he doesn't mean to be hurtful, but that doesn't change the fact that his words cut her like a thousand knives.

"You left me. I haven't heard a word from or about you for months, and it would have stayed that way if it hadn't been for this total coincidence, and you're telling me that you've missed me? Fuck that!"

She is shivering with rage and sadness, all the hurt she has been keeping tucked away deep inside welling up and out to crash over Bruce like a wave.

"You forced me to figure out how to try to get over you, how to move on. I never wanted to do that. I love you so much you asshole, and you made me wish I didn't, so don't tell me you missed me. You knew where I was the whole time. I would have gone anywhere if you hadn't been too much of a coward to ask."

He knows she doesn't mean to be hurtful, but at the same time, he knows he deserves it. He caused her pain after all, and as they say, you get what you give. Serves him right for not saying anything, for not even trying to call or so much as write her. He may have had his reasons, which at the time seemed most logical and plausible, but right now he's struggling to make sense of them, let alone explain them to her.

So, he listens to her in silence, unmoving, because that's about the only thing he can do for her right now. To let her spill all those thoughts and feelings on him, to let her unload what she's been holding in all this time, because of him.

"I know."

All of that, he means. That he was cruel, that he hurt her, that he's a coward and an asshole, and that she loves him but wishes she didn't. He both hopes and dreads that she might not love him one day, too - but right now he can't even lie that that one remark does soothe the ache in his heart, just a little bit.

"i thought you'd be better off away from me. I didn't want SHIELD to find me either..." He trails off. Guess that's pointless now. If she's here, they probably know where he is already. "I'm sorry. I just... it's all I know, running. It's not an excuse, I know, and I know I am a coward. I just... wanted you to be happy, to be alright."

It looks like he's failed spectacularly.

"I'm sorry, Patricia. I'll leave. I promise you won't have to see me again. Please, just..." His expressions twists again, and he swallows dryly, his voice unsure. "Remember the good times, please? And that I love you too."

She wants to call him a liar, she wants to deny that he loves her because how can he love her if he did this? But she can't, because she knows things aren't always that simple.

Jessica disappeared too, buts he knows without a shadow of doubt that her sister loves her. That she always did.

She has forgiven Jessica, maybe one day she'll be able to forgive Bruce too.

She feels some of her rage ebb away, the worst edge taken off by her furious outburst. She lets out a shivery breath, no longer bothering with trying to stop the tears from running down her cheeks.

"I was happy with you. If you needed to go... fine."

She's not letting him off the hook, but she still loves him too much to not let him know that she does know that sometimes you just can't say why you have to go.

"But don't make it about protecting me. I never needed to be protected from you."

Maybe the rest of the world did, what the hell does she know, but she is absolutely certain that he was never a danger to her.

He desperately wants to reach out and wipe those tears from her face, but he doesn't. He's sure she would physically push him away if he even tried. It stings to know that he's the reason why she's crying, when he wanted nothing but the opposite, but he can't lie and say he doesn't get why.

After all, imagining their roles reversed, he knows he would feel the same way too. He shouldn't have expected Trish to just be alright.

"I thought about going back, someday. But with everything-- I didn't think you'd want to see me anymore, when I did."

In a month, or a year - would she really just welcome him again? No. It probably would be just as bad as this. He would have had an even worse time trying to cope if she even ended up not showing any emotion at all.

"Not from me. But I wanted to protect you from the things that happen around me. I'm not safe, there's people... I don't know if I'll be safe, going back. I don't even think I'm safe here, or anywhere."

"You were right."

And wrong. She would have been furious to see him, but she can't even imagine a time when she would genuinely not want Bruce to show up again, if nothing else because she would always want to know that he's alive.

The thought of him showing up and her having moved on, maybe even started a relationship with someone new... it makes her feel as if she has physically been punched in the gut.

She wipes her tears away, trying to regain some shred of composure.

"I... I want you safe, Bruce. If that means we have to be apart... I'll deal with it."

It'll be easier now that she's gotten to yell at him, though getting over him... yeah that is going to be harder. Especially after him saying that he loves her still.

Her words of agreement hurt a lot more than he thought they would, even though it's what he wanted to hear. Or thought he wanted to hear - now that she's saying them, he realizes he would rather she had insisted he go back, or that she stay with him, find some way for them to stay together.

A moment to stop and think about what to say next would probably be for the best. He knows this. And yet, his mouth opens and his words come unbidden, with a rush of emotion, a hint of fear almost.

"I don't want to be apart."

It's almost pathetic, the way he sounds, but considering she's all but shattered right in front of him, it seems only right that he shows to be as vulnerable as she is. It doesn't bother him, anyway - a long time ago, he remembers, they each other they would share every thought, every feeling, everything.

"I don't know what to do, Patricia. But I miss you so much... I can't go on like this."

His look is pleading, almost as if he's asking her: help me. Help him with what, though? Learning how to live without her, or how to just... live again?

Patricia. No one calls her that but him, and hearing it again feels like when someone prods at a bruise. A dull ache.

"I don't know what you want me to say."

She can't come with him, even if part of her would gladly go on the run if it meant being with him.

She has a whole life back in New York, and while Bruce means a lot to her, so does other people. Like Jessica. She could never leave her sister behind, and she doesn't want to leave her job behind.

"I can't just give up everything and go on the run with you. I don't want to."

Edited 2016-01-21 12:12 (UTC)

"I'm not asking you to."

He wouldn't dream to ask her that. He knows she has her own life back in New York, people she cares about and who love and care about her in return, people who depend on her, even. He would never be so selfish and thoughtless as to even think about having her break away from that life just because of him.

But he can be the one to make an effort, for a change. Not a sacrifice, mind: the sacrifice would be to stay away and continue on with this miserable excuse for an existence.

Sure, going back might come with a whole set of issues for him, but... nothing he hasn't worked through before, right? And if SHIELD hasn't sent anyone to arrest him or bring him back yet, he can keep some hope that they'd help him if he went back. He's not big on asking favors from them, but he would, if only so he wouldn't have to go through the immeasurable pain of parting ways with Trish again.

"But I can go back, with you. If you want me to."

Trish finds herself blinking at him in confusion.

"What?"

After months of complete agony, suddenly he is willing to come back? After all the sleepless nights, the tears... And of course the thing she has yet to tell him about. The way she found to channel all that rage and sorrow and frustration.

Hellcat.

The shock comes as no surprise. It's the opposite of what he'd been planning for himself, in fact had he been asked an hour ago, he wouldn't have thought to go back so easily. Go back someday, reunite with all the people he knows and cares about? Sure, that he thinks about often. But it's never today, it's always a one day kind of scenario.

But now that she's here, the thought of walking away again feels almost like having his insides ripped out of him.

"I'll go back."

His voice still sounds a little shaky, but he doesn't go back on his words, despite the worries and fears he might have.

"It's time I stop running away."

He is willing to go back, and now comes the million dollar question: Does she want him to?

She isn't entirely sure, in all honesty. It's certainly not as simple an answer to give as it would have been some months ago.

What if he leaves again? Can their relationship be rebuilt again? Is there enough trust left for them to actually be together? The fact that she isn't sure is beyond painful.

"How can I trust that you won't just... Change your mind and vanish?"

Edited 2016-01-21 19:30 (UTC)

Of course he knew that was a possibility, though it doesn't make it much easier to deal with it. He tries to steel himself for that answer, tries to get ready to hear her telling him that no, she doesn't want him back, she doesn't want him even around.

He won't go, if that's the case. It will be painful but no more than if he were to be in New York and never see her again. At least the distance might dull the ache in his heart.

"I don't know. I can only give you my word."

Which, he is aware, might not be worth much right now.

Trish isn't good at keeping people at a distance. Not when she cares about them. Once someone has become important to her then that's that, unless they do something absolutely unforgivable she will stick by them through just about anything. She is also not the kind of person who refuses people second chances. Sometimes even when she really should do exactly that.

"Say that you love me. Again."

Her voice is quiet, brittle. For so long she was sure that he didn't love her, or at least she was trying to convince herself that he didn't because that was the only way she could ever move on. She had to believe that he didn't care because otherwise she'd never let go.

But now she wants to hear him say it again. She wants to see it in his face.

That, he can do. His feelings are true, after all, and just like he voiced them before, he does so again now, not needing to try or pretend. The feeling itself is clear in his face too, in the sad but almost hopeful gleam in his eyes, the way his lips press tightly before the words spill out.

"I do. I love you, Patricia. I love you very much."

His voice comes with a small lilt, wavering, lips parted as if he's standing by the edge of something, waiting for whatever comes next.

"Okay."

What comes next is Trish wrapping her arms around him because she can't stand not touching him anymore. It would be stupid to try to pretend like she doesn't believe him, she can see how much he loves her at a glance. He had his reasons, just like Jessica had hers, and they'll have a ton of shit to work through but... she can't turn him away.

She loves him too damn much.

The approach is a little surprising, and Bruce lets out a soft huff when suddenly most of Trish's weight is resting against him, her arms wrapped tight around his shoulders. It only takes him a couple of seconds for the shock to wear off, and he reciprocates, his own arms curling around her sides and settling around her just as strongly, his eyebrows knitting together and his eyes closing as he tips his head and buries his face into her neck.

He realizes then he could barely remember her warmth, her scent-- how it felt like to hold her like this. He has no idea how he made it this long without going out of his mind.

"I've missed you... so much."

One hand cradles the back of his head, holding him in place as she relishes in the feeling of his warm breath against her skin, his arms around her.

She can live without these things, sure, but she doesn't ever want to do it again.

"Me too."

There aren't really words to describe how much.

He sighs when her hand cups the back of his head, inhaling again and taking in her scent. Eventually he tries to draw his head away a little, though, just enough to press a soft, lingering kiss to the line of her jaw.

"I never thought I'd see you again."

He definitely never thought they'd be this near again, at least.

She cups his face in her hands, crying again but smiling through the tears.

"Well that's because you're an idiot."

He lets out a sound somewhere between a chuckle and a soft sob, lifting one hand up to her face too, just to wipe those tears away.

"Evidence does seem to support that."

But her smile might just be the most beautiful thing he's seen in months, so he can live with being an idiot.

She leans in to kiss his lips, just a quick peck even if it is tempting to just more or less devour him.

"Can we agree to not break up ever again?"

She knows that's not really an agreement anyone can make, but she's pretty sure he knows what she means.

Yes, he knows what she means, and he smiles a little at it, nodding all too promptly in agreement.

"Works for me."

"God, I love you so much."

She always did, but now she feels as if her heart is swelling until it's too big for her chest. It's almost making it a little hard to breathe, this fresh reminder of just how completely in love she is with this idiot physicist.

"I know you do."

He smiles, sifting his fingers through her hair, tucking the strands behind her ear.

"And I love you."

Leaning in, he presses his lips to hers in a more lingering kiss, his hand on her back lightly fisting the fabric of her clothes. God, it's driving him crazy how much he's missed her, this, and how intensely he feels it now that she's here, with him again.

She kisses him back with all her long-repressed love and longing, the intensity of the moment pulling a throaty whimper from her.

"You can't kiss me like that in public when I haven't been able to touch you for months."

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject