insurgents | OPEN POST.

Probably for the best to just say it now, or Anders's mind might just start going through a myriad of options, each more ridiculous than the previous one - though likely none of them anywhere near the truth. Because of all the things he could have thought of, a pregnancy announcement is the farthest from his mind.

Which may well be as fitting as it is sad, in a way.

Of course, when she does finally say it, his brain kind of flatlines. He stares at her for a good, long while, as if she's just said words in another language, and his mind's still translating them, processing them at the speed of the world's slowest computer. When he does react, it's kind of on reflex, before he can even think twice of it - or at all, even.

He laughs. A single sound, almost a bark, his expression and voice a mix of bewildered amusement, and true, unadulterated panic.

"You're kidding, right?"

Shit, he wishes she were kidding. But no, she's not, is she? There goes that smile.

"You're not kidding."

"I'm not kidding," she says, giving him a faint smile that's not quite a smile since it doesn't reach her eyes. No, there's worry in her eyes for all that she's trying to hide it. "But I'm also not without several options and a couple plans to work with."

And she ought to let him wrap his head around this more but she's not sure she could bear to hear some fumbled attempt to either get out of this or an even more awkward attempt to reluctantly agree to be part of this.

"I've already spoken with my family and naturally they'll be helping me throughout the pregnancy. Making sure that the child and I get all of the proper nutrients and care, and so forth. They've also stated that I'm welcome to move back home to the estate if I'd like but I've told them that for the time being I'm content to stay here," she continues. "So, I'll be reassessing the space my apartment has to see if it's still the ideal space for me."

She's rushed on without giving him a chance to speak, without including him in her plans because that laugh he'd made, the panic in his eyes is something she's hoping to soothe just a little.

Somewhere at the back of his head, he's thinking that of course, of course she has options, solutions, plans. She's always been resourceful, he imagines she wouldn't have come to him about this without at least going through the possible outcomes of this conversation through her mind.

But mostly, he's still taken aback by the shock of this news. Nothing he'd ever expected to hear - which is surprising, considering how much sleeping around he's done in his whole life. But then again, unlike his grandfather, he has always been careful about protection.

He just hadn't expected for Riliana's contraceptive measures to fail.

Groaning softly, he closes his eyes, leaning back and letting his head drop over the back of the couch, a hand moving up to cover his own eyes. "Shit." He breathes out, tilting his head to the side just so to glance at her. "Are you sure? I mean, like-- did you see a doctor or something? A home pregnancy test isn't exactly the most reliable thing."

Funny that it doesn't even cross his mind to ask if she's sure he's the father. Maybe it's the shock, because that's exactly the kind of thing that Anders would say without even thinking, but it is a lucky thing that it doesn't come to mind just then. Later he might think it, but at that point he'll know better than to ask her that.

"I'm certain. It was a simple enough matter to confirm when I went home to speak with my family," she says, perhaps not gently but slowly enough that he won't get the wrong impression of confused if she jumbles it all out too quickly. "The pregnancy tests were just the initial test but our methods are entirely accurate."

She pauses, not certain what to do now, what to say. He seems shocked, of course, and she's already told him her plans. She bites into her lower lip a moment before reaching for the alcohol he's brought. Not even bothering to find a glass, she opens the lid and offers it over to him.

"Here, this might help," she says with some sympathy. She'd join him if she could, but alas, the child growing inside of her won't be having any sort of alcohol for another sixteen years.

He takes the bottle almost automatically, bringing it to his mouth and tipping it up to take a good long swig. Then another. This wasn't really how he'd imagined having the drink, and it doesn't feel nearly as pleasant as he was thinking it was going to, but at least while he drinks, he's doing something. Delaying having to think about it.

Not that it lasts long. She's right there, after all, and he's not going to kick her out now, is he? But he doesn't know what to answer, doesn't know what to decide. He does know that he's never thought about being a dad, he's never wanted to be a dad, and right now the mere notion terrifies him.

"This sucks," he breathes out, sounding a bit like a whiny kid throwing a tantrum. And to add to that, he goes on to add. "It's not fair." Because they were having so much fun, and he was enjoying so much the time he spent with her, and in his mind this doesn't just put a damper on things - it ruins them completely.

Riliana hadn't expected him to respond well to this, but "This sucks" and "It's not fair" in that petulant tone is hardly what she had anticipated. Pursing her lips together, she watches him drink with the slightest sense of envy that she can't join him. She was fine before but his reaction makes her want to drink heavily now.

"I don't think that this is really a matter of fair or not. It just is," she counters, drawing herself up. Stiffening, she takes a deep breath. "If it helps, you should know I have no expectations of you. As I said, my family is fully supportive and I thought I would set up my apartment during the next several months in preparation."

Talking about it so simply, growing more detached, it makes it easier. If she gets emotional she might take his response personally. Or more personally than she is. It's hard not to be a little miffed that he hasn't asked her a thing about herself or how she's feeling about this. But it's fine. Somewhere in the back of her mind she'd known this was a possibility. They're together but it's not as if he signed up for this.

"I know." He sighs, letting the bottle rest between his legs. Honestly, considering who this is, it is an amazing enough thing he hasn't shot through yet. The alcohol's helping a lot, because it's drowning all the feelings of worry, fear and outright panic slowly brewing inside of him. A dad. He's gonna be a dad. Well, not necessarily literally, but he will father a child that will exist somewhere out there in the world.

This world, or hers, whichever really. Fuck, that's a terrifying thought.

Biting his lower lip, he eventually glances over at her, after a few seconds of heavy and rather uncomfortable silence. "What do you want to do?"

Because well, that kind of matters here. He's going to need some time to sort this out and decide what he wants to do himself, but he does know that he likes her, he wouldn't want to not ever see her again - that will have some bearing in his decision. But he does need to know if she wouldn't want him around the kid at all. All things considered, that's entirely plausible.

She supposes that she ought to be at least glad that he's asked. That he's not running out with the alcohol right away. Not everyone handles things like this well, and a child certainly hadn't been part of their arrangements. For her sake, and for his as well probably, she tries to keep things unemotional as she responds.

"I am doing what I want to do," she says, exhaling. "I've spoken with my family, I've been making arrangements, and I'm telling you what's happening. Anything beyond that..." She trails off, clearly hesitating now.

The last thing she wants to do is make him feel trapped. The last thing she wants is to make him feel obligated at all to have any part of this, and yet she doesn't want him to feel unwelcome by trying to remain carefully neutral. She forges on ahead.

"I know what I'm going to do. And I asked you here mainly to let you know what's going on and to...to let you know that if you want any part of it, you would be more than welcome. In whatever capacity you're willing. Or none at all if you prefer." And in the interests of complete honesty, she adds, perhaps a little unwillingly, "If you don't want any part of the child's life that would be acceptable of course. It's your choice. And if you wanted we could still be together. Until the birth or after. I wouldn't force you to be a father to it. But I don't think that things will be entirely the same from this point so that's something you would have to consider carefully as well."

If there's one thing this whole conversation isn't doing, is making him feel trapped. She's been clear and open about what she's done so far, and what she plans on doing from here on out, all of it making it more than clear that she expects nothing from him - emotionally, financially or otherwise. He is scared, sure, and he is worried as fuck too, but that's just because of the situation as a whole. If anything, the way she addresses the issue only soothes those feelings a little more for him.

Which, frankly, is already a lot more than she should need to be focusing on right now. She's got enough shit to deal as it is, even if Anders might be a little bit more turned in and focused on himself right now. He's always been like that, even when he tries his best not to.

"Right," he sighs, nodding at the last words. She's right, no matter what he chooses to do - stay for now, stay for good, leave her right this instant -, things will never be the same again. Anders isn't completely averse to change, but this is definitely one he doesn't like. Alas, nothing that can be done about it now.

Taking another sip from the bottle, he worries his bottom lip, looking at her again after a few seconds of silence. "I need to think about this. I won't lie to you, my instinct is telling me to fucking run right now, but my instinct's worth shit sometimes. And I do care about you-- a lot, actually. I just... I've done a lot of stupid shit on impulse in my life. I don't want this to be one more on the list. You know?"

It helps to hear him say that he cares about her. A lot. It helps to be reminded that if nothing else, what was between them was--is real and mutual. Riliana offers him a smile in response. It's only right he get one for that, even in the midst of this stress.

But the sentiment doesn't erase his instincts, even he can control himself not to bolt off right away. He drinks more, and she can't help but feel again that she'd like to as well. Right now, a drink would be incredible. It might make her more numb as she pushes out the next words, as difficult as they are.

"I know. And you can have the time you need to think about it, but if you want to run right now, you can." Her words are soft, growing a little more distant. "You can take that bottle with you and run and get it out of your system, however long it takes. And at the end of it if you want to come back I'll be here. And if you don't...then all I ask of you--the only thing I'll ask of you right now, is to let me know definitively. One way or the other."

She can handle a wait if she has to. Days, weeks, months. But at some point she'll need an answer, need to know whether she should be holding open a space for him in her life and the life of her child or not.

It's definitely tempting, especially when she offers him the chance to do what free of consequence. Just getting away from all this, the news and her and the crushing reality of this situation, to simply try to erase from his mind all worries, fears and thoughts even remotely related to the baby that's growing inside of her.

But at first, he just nods, leaning forward with the bottle still in his hands, finding the Irish cream to be entirely lacking in taste on his mouth.

"It's probably for the best that I have some time by myself, to... think about all this," he starts, setting the bottle down on the table. "I mean, you can stay here, if you want. I've got places I can go to for a while." One of his brother's places probably, like Ty's - yeah, definitely Ty's. He can bitch and whine all he likes but Anders has his ways to convince his brother to do what he wants him to. He knows she mentioned going back to her flat, but if she'd rather stay here and not have to deal with moving all her things back and rearranging her apartment, he wouldn't mind either way.

"But I think I need a shower first." Then he most likely will head out the door. Go find one of his brothers and pester them until they can't put up with him anymore. Basically, tradition.

There's a part of her that wants to curl up with him for the evening. Wrap her arms and legs around him and hold on as if for one more night nothing can change. Except it has, at this very moment. If she'd wanted that, she ought to have put off telling him another night.

So she nods when he says he needs to himself to think about all of this, but the mention of her staying here while he leaves doesn't sit well with her. Slowly, she rises to her feet and exhales.

"You go shower, but I think this is probably my cue to leave. As generous as it is for you to offer to let me stay here, this is your apartment," she says. Yes, she's been basically living there but the fact remains that it's his apartment and she has her own to return to. She should vacate his space. "You know where mine is if you need to find me, but you should have your place to yourself again."

She tries to soften it with a smile, resisting the urge to reach out and stroke a hand out over his hair the way she might normally. They haven't broken up or anything but it's hard not to feel as if touching him, as if kissing him or treating him the way she normally does might be underhanded. Using sex to sway him. At least, she tells herself that's all it is, as if she's not worried that he might brush her off now if she tried.

Riliana looks around her for her jacket. She thought she'd left it hanging over the back of one of the chairs...

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