insurgents | OPEN POST.

Pulling back was incredibly difficult and she didn't want to. Even as her forehead rested against his, she tried to steal another tiny kiss from his lips. "I want you too, Jim." Mary sighed. "The waiting is so hard, though I suppose we must. We'll be married soon enough." It was fairly killing her though. Her experience level was relatively low, but her desire for him was strong.

He pulled his other hand from her side too, since having his fingers dig into her hip wasn't exactly helping him keep control of the whole situation. He held both her hands in his own instead, lifting them up to kiss her knuckles, letting them rest against his chest and over his heart. "I just want to do this right," he said, smiling a little as he leaned away. "I'd love you just the same, but... I don't want to give your father a single reason to not give us his blessing."

More for Mary's sake than his own, honestly. He knew Mary would be torn up if she had to choose between Jim and her own family, and in all honesty, a small part of him feared that she'd go with the latter.

She sighed gently. "You're right. I don't want to jeopardize our relationship, not when Papa is so close to relenting." He inspired such strong feelings in her though, stronger than what she had felt for any man before. "Do.. do you think it is unladlylike? To.. want you, I mean."

Mary feared that. She was always flirtatious and it had ended up getting her into trouble before. Women, especially those of her class, were not supposed to be sexual beings. Mary didn't think that Jim would think badly of her, but what if he did?

[OOC: I'm not sure how familiar you are with canon, but Mary had some dubious consent sex with a guy who ended up dying in her bed and of course it caused huge problems for her in canon. I feel like even in this AU we could say that it happened, which could also be a positive for her father to say yes to Jim marrying her because Jim doesn't care if she isn't a virgin. I feel like at this point in their relationship she would have told him about it already, but if you want to play out her telling him about it, we can do that.]

Jim raised an eyebrow as his lips quirked into a small smile, looking and sounding clearly amused at her question. "Oh, yeah. There's nothing I find more dreadful than the woman I love and am to marry wanting me."

Frankly Jim couldn't care less either way. He was by no means an expert on what a lady should or shouldn't be like, and no doubt some people would think that her feelings and desires were inappropriate, but to Jim they were the opposite. He didn't care what women were supposed to be. He liked that she wanted this, that she wanted sex just as much as he did, so much so that it nearly ached to wait. And thankfully too— he expected they would have a lot of fun, once they were married and could do with each other as they pleased.

[ ooc: I'm very familiar with canon, yes! And that works for me! :) ]

Jim had a way of completely diffusing an awkward situation. It was only one of many things that Mary loved about him. She laughed, a bit embarrassed at herself.

'Of course. You are an enlightened American, a modern thinker of the 1920s, not like my stodgy lot. I suppose women are allowed to enjoy sex, in your opinion."

It wasn't really something that was spoken of in her circles. She obviously knew what it was and how it worked, but upperclass English ladies weren't supposed to enjoy sex. To be honest, Mary wasn't sure if she did or not. Her first experience had been horrifying on so many levels.

[ooc: So do you want to handwave that she already told him or do you want to do it in this thread? Also, unrelated, but Jim vs. the Dowager at some point, y/y?]

"Allowed? Women should be encouraged to enjoy sex. It's the best fun you can have without your clothes on," he added with a grin, winking teasingly at her. Because they were alone he felt like he could say these things, and as long as they weren't pressed as close as before, the temptation to do more wasn't quite as great. "What else are women supposed to do, just lie there? Where's the fun in that?"

[ ooc: if you feel it makes sense for her to have told him by now, we can handwave it. on the other hand, if you'd like to play it out, we can do it in this thread! either way Jim's reaction would be as casual and not-shocked as you'd expect, haha. And oh lord /PLEASE/. Jim would LOVE her, ngl. she tells it like it is and she is badass. Respect. ]

Mary's cheeks flushed at his words, though she was smiling. "I look forward to learning how to make you feel good. As you know, my first time was... unenjoyable."

That was an understatement. Pamuk forced himself upon her, rutted her like a hog and then died. She experienced no pleasure whatsoever, only several years of trauma and a ruined reputation. Mary knew that was part of why her father was open to her marrying Jim; Jim didn't give a damn about her reputation. He would probably have to be gentle in bed with her at first, to show her that sex could be pleasurable. Mary certainly wanted it to be.

[ooc: I can attempt a probably terrible Dowager Countess for you at some point. She will hate him, probably lol. But he might be able to charm her eventually.]

"Like I told you before, that barely counted," Jim shrugged. Some guy forcing himself on a woman wasn't sex. There was a word for it, which Jim wasn't going to use only because it was something Mary didn't seem too keen on talking about, and he understood why. It boiled his blood, though, knowing that anyone would have once called that a gentleman. Jim may have slept with a number of people himself, but he never did anything of that kind— and he could only imagine that Pamuk had done it with other women too.

"And I look forward to making you feel good too." Actually at this point, Jim would easily say that was his priority.

[ ooc: well he's an american so yes, she'd probably hate him. But it's fine, Jim likes a challenge. He charmed her dad, he can charm her grandma. ]

Mary nodded, her eyes on his chest and not his face. "You will have to be gentle with me," she said quietly. There was still some fear on her part, even if being with Jim meant being with someone she loved as opposed to someone she hardly knew. Pamuk had died in her bed and Mary wondered how much of it was her fault. Technically the man killed himself, as all she'd really been able to do was lie there. She hadn't done anything. Still, it rang in her head that he died while being with her, so she must be the cause.

Jim caught Mary's hands, cupping them with his own and pulling them to his chest. "Mary," he kissed her fingertips, then tried to get her to look at him. "I love you. I'll never do anything to hurt you, and I'll never do anything you don't want me to. If you want me to stop, then I'll stop. If when time comes you'd rather wait, then we'll wait. You can ask for whatever you want, whether it is for me to do something or to do nothing at all."

He'd be lying if he said he didn't want her terribly, but he would never try to talk her into doing something before she was ready. They had their whole lives together, after all, so one thing they'd have was time. And as she was well aware at this point, Jim could be very patient when something or someone was worth it.

She looked up, meeting his eyes and seeing how earnest he was. That was something she had always loved about him, his determination. Mary kissed him softly.

"Believe me, I know it will be different with you. We love each other. I want you, though I admit that I will be nervous on our wedding night."

They would be staying at his cottage that night so that they could have complete privacy to do as they wished.

Jim smiled again, kissing her knuckles, then letting her hands settle on his chest again as his dropped to her sides.

"That's fine. We'll work through that together." Jim felt confident enough that he could make her feel at ease, despite any initial nervousness and embarrassment. And anything that made her uncomfortable, they could just not do at all.

For now he returned that soft kiss with one of his own, lifting a hand up to cup her cheek, and smiling as he pulled away. "Should we continue our walk? Just in case your father gets suspicious and sends someone to come find us."

"Oh, I'm sure he's suspicious every moment that we're alone together."

Not that it really mattered. She was not a virgin and Jim could give a damn. But she would rather not get pregnant before she was married.

She tucked her hand back in the crook of his arm. "Yes," she said. "Let's walk for a bit more and then rejoin my family."

[ooc: wrap this and move on to their wedding night?]

[ ooc: sounds great! Should I set up a starter for us? :) ]

[ooc: you may! Or hell, we can just continue it in this thread if you want. Up to you. I'm about to start getting up and getting ready for the stuff I have to do today, so if I disappear, that's why.]

[ ooc: that's alright! I have work in a little while too, so maybe we'll miss each other, sadly. in the meantime here is the starter, hope it works! ]

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